Something Must Change | Vol. 2, Issue 4
This is only Issue 4 of my new newsletter and I already feel like it’s going through changes. This issue reads more like a diary entry, so it’s more raw, less eloquent, and still a wild ride. Skip to the end if you want to just find what I have been reading or watching. You ready? 😬
👂🏼Some music🦻🏼
This is my season for self-reconnection.
I have been a bit too comfortable in this stage of my life for a bit too long, and so something must change. (Something must change because I know who I turn into if there’s a part of me that is very unhappy, and she is not pretty to live with.)
There was a long stretch of time when I did not know how to break out of my rut. The only thing that’s worse than not trying things to get out of the rut is not doing anything at all - that’s a guaranteed path to unhappiness.
First, I took a break.
“Your mind is like this water, my friend. When it is agitated, it becomes difficult to see. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear.”
- from the movie Kung Fu Panda
I am letting go the mindset of always being productive or always hustling. I am exhausted from doing that for all these years, especially because I am not where I want to be in life.
So I rested.
My life looked like this for a while:
Level 1 - Sleep for most of the day because I am physically exhausted.
Level 2 - Binge Netflix and Hulu and YouTube because I am relaxing, right?
Level 3 - Tired of watching TV, scrolling through social media*, listening to podcasts, and reading books. Need to not just consume but implement what I learned.**
Level 4A - Think and dream with no constraints. There were many questions I thought about, such as: What do I want out of my life? What’s not working in my life right now - personally as well as my environment?
Level 4B - Make a game plan. How do I move towards my dreams from 4A?
* I also took the time to cleanse my social media feed. It’s now a place where I learn a lot and sometimes source positive energy from. Some Instagram accounts that have helped me through the hard times: @asiansformentalhealth, @wetheurban, @amy_lee, @ronnychieng, @brandonkgood, @luvvie, @noor.
** You do not have to implement everything that you think is a good idea. Trevor Noah once said somewhere that he is all about making sustainable incremental changes. You always have the option of testing out something from someone else and tweaking it so it fits you.
After all that, I feel a lot more rested, calm and centered. The answers to my questions are a lot more clear, including who and what I want to invest more energy into, and things I should do and not do. It’s like dusting off my internal gut engine and now I have a lot more confidence with every step I take.
Another important reminder I tell myself: I am allowed to change my mind. I am allowed to work towards a goal, realize that it’s not what I want anymore, and pivot.
I am now a huge proponent of rest. Do you want more for your life but do not know how to get there? Rest first. Are you tired? Shut off those screens and go rest and dream. Does your mind say you gotta do blah but your body is exhausted? Go rest.
Get. Enough. Rest.
Second, figure out what you want.
When I was young, my definitions of success and happiness are quite different than what they are today. It used to be make this amount of money and have this many children and be married by this age and whatever else I took from society, TV shows, movies, and magazines of the 1990s and 2000s. Now my definitions entail family and community and a lot more because of the pandemic and all the bullsh*t that went down in American society and politics over the last few years.
Two important aspects of Success and Happiness to me that I want to share:
Community. I grew up in a very competitive environment. It felt like everybody else was my enemy, so I would not share what I learned and my ego would never let me ask others for help. It’s taken years for me to be okay asking others for help and believing that doing so does not mean I am weak or stupid. It’s also taken me years to not feel defensive when someone else shares their experiences because I would think that they thought I was dumb or incapable.
Now whenever I hear someone say (even if it’s from me) something like “well I thought that you thought that…” Just stop. Too much nonsense going on there.
Regarding competition, one of my friends said: “In my eyes, by me sharing the knowledge, I build up a reputation that I not only know sh*t BUT I can ALSO execute, which is the best of both worlds.” Agreed.
I have built and been part of a few communities in 2020, and *whowza* it is something I have not felt in a long time. I love the communities that I am a part of, and this is one of the things I want to build. This year in 2021, a friend and I are planning to build a community around career. I am very excited for this. (Let me know if you are interested in joining.)
Related: this screenshot I took from Instagram Responsibility to Mother Earth and to each other. Ah, the second part just reminds me of The Good Place. It’s time to rewatch that show.
A lot of things can fall under this bullet point and perhaps I’ll explore this in future newsletters, but not today. I will share this though:
What does your definition of Happiness and Success entail? Let me know by…
Third, how well do you know yourself?
I’ve heard a couple different takes on understanding your strengths and weaknesses. This is my take on it all:
No matter what, it is a good idea to understand what your strengths and weaknesses are.
On weaknesses/areas of improvement, you can decide to work on them so you become more balanced. You can also decide that some weaknesses are not worth the effort to get better at, so focus on your other areas of improvement or be a master at your strengths instead.
I did a bunch of assessment tests, such as 16 personalities (very similar to MBTI but more accurate), VIA character that helps define your biggest strengths, enneagram, and a personal SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis.
My favorite was pairing the personal SWOT analysis with asking a few friends what they thought were my 3 strengths and 3 weaknesses/areas of improvement were. I knew all the areas of improvement that they listed, but the strengths were a bit of a surprise. It was nice to hear what they thought of me, and it helped boost my self-confidence too.
This feels like a good stopping point on this topic. If you’d like me to share more, either respond back to the newsletter if you received it via email or…
Miscellaneous
Grab bag 1 of 5: Something I need to work on.
Grab bag 2 of 5: An uncovered gem.
Found this note on my iPhone from 2019 after I went to Puerto Rico. This never made it to my old newsletter.
Grab bag 3 of 5: The one tidbit in this newsletter about food.
An article on Resy about pork buns.
Grab bag 4 of 5: Lunar New Year is coming up!
Lunar New Year is coming up on February 12th, the Year of the Ox.
Apple released an 12-minute short film directed by Lulu Wang (who wrote and directed the 2019 film The Farewell). The short “Nian” (年 in both traditional and simplified Chinese) puts a twist on the Chinese folklore of Nian creature.
I really enjoyed it. In the behind-the-scenes clip, Lulu talks about the tension between her parents wanting her to go far in life but also a fear of the unknown. It reminded me of my parents. My mother is much more of a “I don’t like this risk you are taking but I understand why you are doing it”, while my dad is more of a “honey nooooo!!”
I have one critique: Apple should have included the Chinese subtitles in addition to English ones. Come on, most of Chinese, Taiwanese, and Hong Kong movies have both these days!
Here’s the behind-the-scenes video:
Grab bag 5 of 5: I highly recommend checking out The Profile.
Polina Marinova creates these deep dives of individuals (duh, The Profile) like Kobe Bryant, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Humans of New York creator Brandon Stanton, Guy Raz, and many more people.
She recently launched her first seminar called “The Creativity Seminar”. It inspired me to dive back into my creative pursuits. 2 things she shared that hit home for me:
In whatever journey you choose to undertake, there is a point (Point A) where you acquire great taste and know what you want your branding an vibe to be, and there is another point (Point B) where you have the skills to match your taste. Between point A and point B is when you put in the work to acquire the skills or the team to get to where you want to go - it is not the time to quit!
Scary is not the same as dangerous.
Dangerous is staying at where you currently are in life because of comfort even though it is not where you want to be, or because your fears are dictating your actions.
Scary is doing something different than what you have been doing or think you should be doing, but it’s where you find excitement and where your heart and gut leads you to.
Check Polina and The Profile out! It’s so valuable for all types of people.
Alright. That’s it for this long newsletter. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you! If you’ve got any comments or feedback, feel free to email me or leave a comment.
-Juliet
I enjoyed this particular post! Definitely sparked a lot of thoughts and feelings that I had a in the past year or two for sure. Couple of comments:
1) Rest is definitely so important. Ironically, I felt more physically and mentally exhausted last year than ever even though I spent almost all my time at home. As a result, my mood was hella erratic and my productivity at work plummeted. I spent the last couple weeks of december resting and recharging, and I felt so much better at the beginning of the year.
2) 2020 also kinda changed my definition of success and happiness and what I want in life. A couple of years ago, I'd probably say I wanted to do this and that, start this company, <insert something super ambitious>. Now, I kinda just want to live in an isolated place with a nice view and just work on random projects... live a super simple life haha. I say "kinda" cause I still go back to my old ambitious dreams here and there (unsure if this conflict is caused by societal expectations or cause I really do want those things haha)
3) That tweet about asking whether someone wants comfort or solutions is so true! The problem solver in me wants to immediately fix a problem. But doing so can come off condescending or sometimes people just feel some type of way. Much better to acknowledge, provide comfort, and then provide help if needed.
4) I got pretty excited seeing Jeremy Passion linked above! hahahha
Hey Juliet! It's quite late reading this version of your newsletter a year later, but I wanted to learn from the Substack content creators I admire! So here I am 🥳
I really appreciated the section in your newsletter where you outlined your "rest schedule", which included phases of consuming content, scrolling, and eventually creating. I think so much of whatever "resting" is can feel like we are lost, but in retrospect we needed to be "lost" in order to feel that push to discover more. I'm in that similar phase where it can be a roller coaster of self-doubt. Just wanted to give you a shout-out and thank you for sharing!
Your tidbit about Puerto Rico also resonated with me, even if it was miscellaneous. Lately, I've been having flashbacks to different times in my life and realizing: WOW there's a lot of gold nuggets from the past that I've forgotten. Sometimes I can feel not so great about myself in the moment, but taking a brief trip to the past (not in the "dwell in regret and live in an imagination" type) reminds me of what I was capable of and how much I can look forward to.
Building a community is SO important and I've learned that as I've moved again and again. In this pandemic and in my pivot, I've turned to the virtual Slacks and Discords. It's weird because I have not met any of these people in-person, but I know that I've learned tons/would not be the person I am without their advice.