I'm a 5-times over privileged middle aged white dude. The past 5 years have been revelatory. The racism, the woman-hating, the everything backwards from what it should be. The loved ones I thought were tainted with outdated beliefs are shown to be full on zombie virus infected cultists. The denial runs deep. The denial of reality by the racist woman-haters (plus the other things they hate) - that they are racist, that they were left behind for good reasons, that even if their privilege is the only thing keeping them from the edge, it's not something they ever deserved... the flip side is denying whiteness (trying to be 'color blind'), thinking we ('whitefolks', but using that term disrupts the denial) are farther along than we are, denying things large and small, trying to hide with layers upon layers of sanitized stories we (I) tell ourselves. I'm so sorry I ever minimized anti-Asian racism. I'm ashamed I ever believed it wasn't at the magnitude of the other evils. I'm struggling with the fact that the evils were always worse than I wanted to believe. I'm struggling with the fact that the evil can't be contained, can't be sequestered until it dies out. I'm struggling with the fact that pretty much everything I thought was more-or-less ok (including myself) is actually fairly far down the sewage pipe. This cray-cray denial is clearly a Thing - I don't know if it's a whitefolk Thing, or if it's everyone. It's not just males, and not just older folks (I tried to tell myself that for decades). I know many parts of my life are backwards and harder than they have to be (even wealthy people can't get decent health care) - I go bananas when I realize just how much better my life is than others. I dread finding out the next thing I've been ignoring. I'm jumping at my own shadow. I've gone to marches. I've donated money. I try to be mindful. I try to reach out to my delusional family. I've reached out to lefty loved ones living in a sanitized bubble. I've shut down coworkers when the evil leaks out. I've kept an eye out to protect those that are vulnerable. I know on some level it's important and even helps. But it feels like 95% bullshit. I thought we were winning the greater struggle, and now I'm faced with things being much worse than I'd allow myself to believe. Anyway. I'm on physical and emotional lockdown for more than one reason. I've been keeping to myself, but I do care. You and all the others struggling with real life evil, and all I can do is talk about myself :(
I can definitely relate to the "feels like 95% bullshit". Don't know about you but sometimes I thinking "how can I keep doing more?!" We need to remember every little thing counts, from protecting our team members in the workplace to strangers who are being abused in society. We (people who realize/see the crazy injustices of this world & want to make the world a better place for all) have to be in this game for the long run.
There will be no end to finding out what we've been ignoring. It's a hard truth I had to come to terms with, both about America and about many things I have internalized as an Asian American woman. My question for all people: How do we move forward without being surprised at every single turn?
It gives me comfort to imagine you verbally clocking people in your life for being backwards. That's how we move forward. As much as marginalized communities can ask others to see us and as much as we band together, racism in all its forms (systemic, social, and institutional) will not be rooted out unless those with the most social power (white men on top & trickle down) stand with us and do something about it.
I hope when we do meet up one day, we will be able to talk about how much society has progressed positively!
I'm a 5-times over privileged middle aged white dude. The past 5 years have been revelatory. The racism, the woman-hating, the everything backwards from what it should be. The loved ones I thought were tainted with outdated beliefs are shown to be full on zombie virus infected cultists. The denial runs deep. The denial of reality by the racist woman-haters (plus the other things they hate) - that they are racist, that they were left behind for good reasons, that even if their privilege is the only thing keeping them from the edge, it's not something they ever deserved... the flip side is denying whiteness (trying to be 'color blind'), thinking we ('whitefolks', but using that term disrupts the denial) are farther along than we are, denying things large and small, trying to hide with layers upon layers of sanitized stories we (I) tell ourselves. I'm so sorry I ever minimized anti-Asian racism. I'm ashamed I ever believed it wasn't at the magnitude of the other evils. I'm struggling with the fact that the evils were always worse than I wanted to believe. I'm struggling with the fact that the evil can't be contained, can't be sequestered until it dies out. I'm struggling with the fact that pretty much everything I thought was more-or-less ok (including myself) is actually fairly far down the sewage pipe. This cray-cray denial is clearly a Thing - I don't know if it's a whitefolk Thing, or if it's everyone. It's not just males, and not just older folks (I tried to tell myself that for decades). I know many parts of my life are backwards and harder than they have to be (even wealthy people can't get decent health care) - I go bananas when I realize just how much better my life is than others. I dread finding out the next thing I've been ignoring. I'm jumping at my own shadow. I've gone to marches. I've donated money. I try to be mindful. I try to reach out to my delusional family. I've reached out to lefty loved ones living in a sanitized bubble. I've shut down coworkers when the evil leaks out. I've kept an eye out to protect those that are vulnerable. I know on some level it's important and even helps. But it feels like 95% bullshit. I thought we were winning the greater struggle, and now I'm faced with things being much worse than I'd allow myself to believe. Anyway. I'm on physical and emotional lockdown for more than one reason. I've been keeping to myself, but I do care. You and all the others struggling with real life evil, and all I can do is talk about myself :(
Ian,
I can definitely relate to the "feels like 95% bullshit". Don't know about you but sometimes I thinking "how can I keep doing more?!" We need to remember every little thing counts, from protecting our team members in the workplace to strangers who are being abused in society. We (people who realize/see the crazy injustices of this world & want to make the world a better place for all) have to be in this game for the long run.
There will be no end to finding out what we've been ignoring. It's a hard truth I had to come to terms with, both about America and about many things I have internalized as an Asian American woman. My question for all people: How do we move forward without being surprised at every single turn?
It gives me comfort to imagine you verbally clocking people in your life for being backwards. That's how we move forward. As much as marginalized communities can ask others to see us and as much as we band together, racism in all its forms (systemic, social, and institutional) will not be rooted out unless those with the most social power (white men on top & trickle down) stand with us and do something about it.
I hope when we do meet up one day, we will be able to talk about how much society has progressed positively!
Juliet